Like everyone, I had a lot of plans this year. I was going to go to Japan for the first time in March, return to LA in the summer, maybe spend more time in Europe before we got yanked out of the EU. I intended to see my sister and friends more, go to a lot of shows, have some fun. My work and personal goals, my wellbeing, were secondary – I wanted to do some stuff. Obviously, those hopes were quickly shattered, and after a painful winter full of physical and mental health issues, I was pretty miserable.
I am not special – we are all pretty miserable, but this is my newsletter, so indulge me. I quickly decided that if I couldn’t do anything, I would focus on the things I could control (classic): seeking a diagnosis for ASD and ADHD, taking care of my health, and working as hard as I could. I also decided to try and enjoy, as much as I could, London and England. I spent my summer in nature, swimming in the sea and lying around in fields reading. I felt so grateful to live in a safe home with a dog and person who love me. I miss my friends, I miss my life, but I’ve made it work.
I worked really fucking hard this year, in part in a neurotic attempt to gain as much security as possible as a freelancer. I did a lot of copywriting and brand work (hmu for that, I enjoy it, thanks) but I also wrote over 100 features that I’m really proud of. I started the year ill, depressed and out of work for almost two months so I am overwhelmed by how much I turned it around. I want to talk about the things I’m most proud of:
Finally, after wanting to do it for literal years and being obsessed with the label for 15, I put together an oral history of Decaydance Records. Pete Wentz helped me to organise Gabe Saporta, Travie McCoy and more and I got to spend six months talking about a moment in history that was so formative for me – I’m proud of it.
I also got to work on a one-off issue of emo diary with Pete designed by my friend Zoe to commemorate the 15th anniversary of From Under the Cork Tree, which was very cool.
I did a lot of interviews, probably because everyone was home, including some dream-come-true ones: Nicole Richie (!), Bright Eyes (!!!), Amy Lee, Awsten Knight, Taylor Momsen and my friend Will Gould of Creeper were among my favourites.
In fact, for a year without live music, I wrote about music more than I expected. I worked so hard on this comprehensive piece for The Face about the fourth wave of emo, I wrote a love letter to Bright Eyes’ Fevers and Mirrors, I interviewed Pete about the story behind “Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down”, I wrote about the joy of seeing Hayley Williams grow up, I looked at how Good Charlotte’s debut brought some needed sincerity to pop punk, I reviewed the new Bright Eyes record and Creeper’s second album, I put together a piece on how men can prevent abuse in music, and I wrote about what made Lil Peep’s Hellboy special for Dazed.
I got to write for some dream publications for the first time, like The Cut on The Sopranos and The New York Times about my late ASD diagnosis. They’re both real vision board publications so I was thrilled and still am.
I was really proud that, alongside my own diagnosis, I could write more about ASD and disability. I wrote this piece on what beauty means to chronic illness sufferers, this on how people with OCD are handling coronavirus, I wrote about how autistic people were managing lockdown, I wrote about the autistic women of TikTok, I looked at why autistic people were so angry at Sia, I wrote about how to navigate extreme uncertainty, and I wrote a manifesto for how we can improve autistic representation in film and TV.
*Finally*, I was happy to write about some of the miscellaneous nerdy things I love. I wrote about how The Sims is still the ultimate roleplaying game, why we need to separate ‘stan’ from ‘fan’, why adults (like me) love Disneyland so much, and what Sayaka Murata’s Earthlings and Convenience Store Womanmeant to me as someone slightly out of step with the neurotypical world.
Thank you to anyone who’s supported my work this year. There have been some false starts, like my non-commitment to this newsletter and the currently abandoned emo diary website and fourth issue that I started in earnest in April, but I’m so proud of how much I did and how much all of these topics mean to me.
If you enjoyed any of this, share it! If you love a freelancer’s work, share it! Tell them! If you can commission them, do! I’m on mariannexeloise@gmail.com.
Thnks fr th mmrs, happy holidays <3